i'm back..

my last post was so shitty, sorry. i was just in a horrible mood and totally stressed out. i am good now, i feel a lot better. i took time to think about things, talk to friends and my sister, sorted a lot of shit out in my head and my heart. i was feeling so weak, sorry for myself, and that's just not me. it never has and i hope never will. i mean i have my moments, but i feel like if i just take time to breathe and think things over, i can find a solution. not to say that if i were too fall, it wouldn't be hard, i just know now that i have the power to change, i don't always have to be secondary, i can be first sometimes. sorry to be so vague, but these are my feelings, just about life in general. it has been a while since i really looked at myself and my life and the people around me, to realize where i am, who i am and who my real friends are. some are many, many miles away from me, but the bond is so strong that through the distance, we still remain as close as ever, if not closer. As the holiday season is arriving, i really want to make it a point to let the people who really matter to me know how much i appreciate them. even friends who i haven't seen in years, or spoken to in months, i still cherish their friendships because i know that even though we haven't been in contact for a while, when we do see each other or talk again, it will be like we never left. pick right back up where we left off, just a lot more life experiences in between. i actually feel that since i have left hawaii, my friendships with people back home have grown stronger, though i have been away. distance makes you try harder to keep the relationship going, and keep it strong. and you feel inclined to express your feelings more than if you were able to hang out every day. this holiday season i really just want to stay positive about life, about people and try not to hate or be negative. you know how hard that is for me, cause i am so whatevs about shit, but hahaha, it's worth a try. everyone deserves to be happy, right?

anyway, thanks to all of you that are always here for me, who make me laugh and keep me strong. i love you all!!